Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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