I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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