I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
