Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I don't think brook has ever known best
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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