I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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