i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
