Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
