Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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