Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
