I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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