I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
