I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
