She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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