Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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