singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Thank you for not boning my boss.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
