i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I think my vagina is haunted
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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