My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
