Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
