I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Randomize