Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
