you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
