why didn't you poke me back
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
