I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
