I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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