i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize