Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Randomize
