Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
