yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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