Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
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