no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
