When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
