So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My bed smells like the plague
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
