I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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