to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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