Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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