Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
