My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
