the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
