No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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