everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize