who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
