Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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