You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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