the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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