i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
