I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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