Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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