The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
