not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just forgot I was standing up.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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