i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
