whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
