Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
