i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I need to wash the frat house off of me
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
