thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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