You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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