I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
