a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize