Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize