ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
