Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
