Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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