haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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