i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
