my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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