i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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