Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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