This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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