The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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