I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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