You're my little dorito
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
