Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
