I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
