Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
