My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
