Just cropdusted the office
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize