I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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