I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
