is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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