your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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