Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
