shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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