just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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