It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
