she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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