I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
