I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Randomize
