Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
