how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize