My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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