Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
