Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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