There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize