I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
