Whod you bang
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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