My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
