He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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