so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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