He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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