that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
