Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
