i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Soap is not a condiment
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
