I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
