we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
