I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
