I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
