Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
