i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
