You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
