Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
