I'm jealous of your bromance
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
