as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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