you guys were way drunker than both of me
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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